一

So, what brought you to the online affairs subreddit? 

I don’t know. Loneliness, I guess. A longing for adventure. 

But you’re married. That seems like it should be an antidote to both. 

It does seem like that. Yes. 

And yet?

And yet I want to feel the shape of another woman’s body in the night. 

But we agreed that this would only be happening online. 

The shape of another woman’s mind, then. 

Is that really so important? So different? 

Yes. 

Have you ever thought about why you need that? Why you by yourself aren’t enough?

Yes. 

And?

I’m not a religious person and biblical to me is not a good thing, but I think I understand the sorrows of the first man. I see him in a field in daylight and though there’s birdsong and nectar none of it has meaning. It’s a hollowness. When a woman comes suddenly there is laughter and warmth. Joy. Meaning. 

Not always joy. Not always any of that. 

I know. But the possibility is enough. 

So one is not enough? 

No. 

Ok, but you already have one. Why me also?

It’s almost as though you don’t want to be wanted.  

Of course I want to be wanted. But I also want to understand. 

I can’t give you that because I myself don’t understand. Maybe it’s just simple lust. Whatever it is, it’s powerful. I don’t know the reason, but I know the result which is this: you’re wanted. 

いち